%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4469641 |
 | Intro Speech  [E] Piece for School I have to present  |
| (3.0)| ** Image ID #1934576 Unavailable ** Hi martiangrl I'm just dashing through with a review! I realize this is for a speech you're doing for school. I'd like to invite you to join
Also, it would be helpful if there were a note, even a dropnote, detailing more about the assignment. I'm a former writing consultant for Purdue University and would be happy to make specific academic recommendations if I knew what the assignment required. As it is, much of this is just general feedback. Having a deadline on it will help too so readers will know when the deadline is close or past. Also, bear in mind as the author, only you know what of this is helpful and what's not but know that I intend only to be helpful. Topic The topic appears to be about space and the path you've taken to reach graduation. I'm not sure when this is due so hopefully I'm not too late. My first suggestion would be to possibly make this less about fact and more about emotion. We need to feel your excitement, your enthusiasm, your drive to succeed despite others telling you "I can't". As a woman, there's plenty here to focus on so pick what feels more natural and real to you and go with that. Maybe part of this should be more about that first mission - help us really see and experience it. Help us to see from the start the wonder of a space mission. What did you do? The majority of the audience may have never experienced what you did and has no way to understand what you did or how. How did you contribute to a launch? What did you do? Word Choices Be careful of repetition - you use "my parents" more than once in succession. Tips, Tricks, & Tidbits For successful reviews, remember formatting is important as it reduces eye strain for the reader. Some of the readers may have vision issues and will avoid reviewing if it's hard to see. I recommend 3.5 for the font and 1.6 for spacing - I use that in my own work and it works well (and was recommended to me by another writer on WDC with vision issues). Here's a couple resources that might help: http://teacher.scholastic.com/writewit/speech/tips.htm https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffschmitt/2013/07/16/10-keys-to-writing-a-speech/... Consider starting with humor or an anecdote. The countdown to a launch isn't very riveting unless you do it VERY well in person, which might be difficult if you're not really experienced and confident in delivering a speech. Just something to consider. If I can help in any way, feel free to reach out! Gotta run, but this was fun! Need a review? Submit a bitem link to "Invalid Item" Need something to review? Access my portfolio showcase here. Items are ordered newest to oldest in each category:
     ** Image ID #2177703 Unavailable ** Join us on Discord for real-time chats!: https://discordapp.com/invite/Wa8sgg8  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 02/18/2019 @ 10:59am EST