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 Review #4469644 |
 | Audio-Visual Communication Part 1  [E] The Gingerbread Men Part 1. Part 2 has been released.  |
| (3.0)| ** Image ID #1934576 Unavailable ** Hi Ezekiel Stephens I'm just dashing through with a review! Opinions are my own, do with them as you wish! Plot/Premise I struggled with the plot/premise. The writing itself is excellent - from the opening hook to the last sentence, there's a strong, clear writer's voice with great confidence. You paint a picture with words that held me riveted and delighted as a reader. I was fascinated to learn more about this world you'd created. But sadly, it ended, very prematurely in my opinion. Rather than a story arc, this is simply a moment suspended in time in the view of the character. And that's fine as an exercise. You've accomplished a great piece of writing, but to fulfill that of a story, requires much more. Here's a resource that shows a story arc: https://study.com/academy/lesson/what-is-a-story-arc-definition-examples.html I could not identify these elements in the prose, so I consider this more of narrative prose than a story. It's excellently written but by the end of it, I wanted much more. I wanted to know what happened with the man Calibri witnessed. How did the man change things with his "ugliness"? What conflict arises from his actions? How do the other characters respond to him? This has great promise as a story premise and I hope you consider continuing this. Perhaps this is a novel or novella beginning? Or perhaps a long form short story (which can run up to 20,000 words)? Character(s) The main character is Calibri, an observer of others. I love the character's name, which is the name of a sans-serif font. Nice tie in to the technology aspect. Dialogue There is none. GMC GMC: Goal, Motivation, Conflict is what drives characters and your story forward. The GMC is unclear to me, although the conflict is primed and ready in the secondary character you describe in contrast to the world around him. Setting & Description This is by far, the highlight of this piece. So rich, deliberate, and detailed. I loved every word! Word Choices Again, excellent. Show/Don't Tell / The Dream You pulled off showing this very well and there was nothing that detracted me from the reading. It was extremely smooth and it's clear to me you have great skill in writing well. You made this look easy. I just wish there were more. Tips, Tricks, & Tidbits Expand this and you will have a home run of a story. It has all the elements needed - riveting characters, inherent conflict, strong writing. I hope you continue it! Gotta run, but this was fun! Need a review? Submit a bitem link to "Invalid Item" Need something to review? Access my portfolio showcase here. Items are ordered newest to oldest in each category:
     ** Image ID #2177703 Unavailable ** Join us on Discord for real-time chats!: https://discordapp.com/invite/Wa8sgg8  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 02/18/2019 @ 4:19pm EST