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 Review #4469650 |
| ** Image ID #1934576 Unavailable ** Hi mashmaniac20 I'm just dashing through with a review! Opinions are my own, heed them as you wish! Theme Excellent theme of a fairy tale princess seeking to escape a storm and finding refuge. Congratulations on both taking a fairy tale and making it fresh and winning the contest you entered! Word Choice(s) Over all the word choices are good. I have some thoughts you might consider looking at. Since this isn't my piece, I'm not sure how to solve these or if they're even issues to begin with. I am also not sure if there's a syllable count behind these words too. This looks like free verse to me but there is some rhyming in the last two lines of each stanza in the beginning. I'm not sure if that's deliberate or accidental. In any case, here's some areas to consider: (The word in question is in blue) And he had on a funny looking gown I'm not sure starting with 'and' helps you in this line. He wore a look of surprise, Would it be simpler and clearer to simply say, "He looked surprised"? Again, unsure of any internal rhyming or rhythm here. With her extremely drowned apparel. This adverb seems to weaken this line. Oh, how he adored her! It's unclear to me who he adores - his wife or the princess. It's a bit of ambiguous language IMO. I suppose it might be okay for the reader to assume he adores his wife? My first thought was "Uh oh, I know where this is going!" and I thought the princess would replace the wife. I was glad to see that didn't happen! She did not sleep all right Should this be night instead of right? Or perhaps alright? The wife knew then she was speaking the truth , Consider maybe "spoke the" instead? Imagery/Description There's good imagery throughout. I hope you found something useful in my feedback. Don't let it overwhelm you, there's not a lot here really. It's very minor tweaks. Gotta run, but this was fun! Need a review? Submit a bitem link to "Invalid Item"  Need something to review? Access my portfolio showcase here. Items are ordered newest to oldest in each category:
     ** Image ID #2177703 Unavailable ** Join us on Discord for real-time chats!: https://discordapp.com/invite/Wa8sgg8  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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