The Golden Hype [18+] Fill the void of your existence with this book! Like you always do! I know you want to... |
Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Hi Weirdly, This is a wonderful chapter. The chapter opens with anxiety as Sirk is feeling badly about herself. The reader is wondering why she feels this way. They will read on to find out. This is a fantastic opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the chapter. You have set up your plot and main characters very well for the reader. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The chapter is well paced. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet it moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. I did come across a couple of structural issues that need your attention: 1)believe on that crap!"-"on" should be "in". 2)You abruptly switch between the past and present tense here. You should remember to keep your tense consistent in your writing to keep your writing clear for your reader. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.
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