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Review #4474343
Viewing a review of:
 Somber Familiar  [ASR]
When life feels terrifying and not everything is as it seems.
by Nightingale
Review of Somber Familiar  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hey there Nightingale ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

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My Thoughts: The interesting title made me want to read this story, and I'm glad I did! I love reading and writing flash fiction, and I know from experience how difficult it can be to write and complete and meaningful story using few words, but you made it seem effortless here.

First person narration was a good choice for this piece, and telling the story in present tense as you did helped to make me feel like I was part of the story. Your descriptive writing helped me to easily imagine the creature in the bedroom and empathize with the narrator. I was expecting a scary story and, although I love the horror genre, I was pleased with the happy ending.

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My Suggestions: When you are telling a story in present tense, be sure to keep in in present tense at all times unless you're referring to something that took place before the story began. The third paragraph is in past tense and should be in present. In the fourth paragraph, "was the image" should be "is the image". In the last paragraph, "I thought" should be "I think".

In the first sentence, you say "no toe" but in the second sentence you say "they do". Since that sentence refers back to the first, you should keep it singular and say "it does".

In the third paragraph, "it's heavy foreboding" should be "its heavy foreboding" since "it's" is a contraction for "it is" and you didn't intend that here.

In the fourth paragraph, "museums parking area" should be "museum's parking area".

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Overall: Thank you for sharing your writing! This short story was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. I can already tell you're going to be a wonderful addition to the WDC community! Again, if there's ever anything I can do to help you, please do not hesitate to email me.

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