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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4477205
Review #4477205
Viewing a review of:
Snow's Writing for 2019, 2020, & Beyond  [13+]
This book holds the items for the contest I enter in 2019, 2020, and beyond.
by Prosperous Snow celebrating
         Review for entry/chapter: "Proof of God" 
Review by Shaye
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece Proof of God from Snow's Writing for 2019, 2020, & Beyond  in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .

Title: An interesting title as, without it, the meaning of the poem would be ambiguous, and the reader would be left to draw their own conclusion. Whilst I understand the name, and why you've chosen it, I imagine this could be even better with a title that's broader, and lets the reader draw their own thoughts and meanings from it.

First Impression: An interesting poem, showing how God is in the abstract, and yet still so vividly in many people's hearts.

Form: I did a quick double-check on the syllable count, and you've nailed it, so great job here! I enjoy writing poems that are syllable-limited, but it can also definitely be a challenge. Especially when you think of one word, but it won't fit where it needs to. You've done well to make sure you stick within the limits but also create a poem that makes sense, and also likely has an emotional appeal to those that are religious.

Word Choice: In a short poem, especially, every word counts. Each word has to work to deliver the message or emotion. I found your use of unincarnated interesting for 2 reasons. To me, it sounds like it should be a word. Yet, it's not. I've checked and this word doesn't exist in any dictionary, which is a shame, because it should be a word. Despite the fact there seems to be no official definition, it still somehow made sense to me. I completely understood its meaning. It's also the longest word you've got here, and you've used up 5 of your precious syllable to write it. Just something to think about. The word works but doesn't exist according to the dictionary. That's a new one on me.

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted here!

Closing Thoughts: Overall, I enjoyed this poem, and whilst I'm not religious, I did understand it's meaning. Good luck in the contest, and maybe you see again at "I Write in 2019" !

Lorraine


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Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/30/2019 @ 4:38pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4477205