*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4478692
Review #4478692
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*

Bon jour, AJW!
This isn't bad. I like the concept of Kelly getting out of changing the baby's diaper (and sticking her husband with it), although I'm not sure if she did that on purpose or it was merely coincidence, but I'm leaning toward the former!
One thing I noticed about this piece is how many times you could have used contractions. It would definitely give you some leeway on your word count if you used words like I'm or don't or aren't. The way you told it makes the characters sound as if they're robots, if you know what I mean.
Please know that's only a suggestion and my humble opinion, so please don't take it as a criticism of you or your work.
One tiny niggle:
'eventually walks in (the) kitchen' (again, if you were maxed out on your word count, then those contractions would come in mighty handy here!)
Otherwise, well done, and nice job of using the prompt idea!
Kee ponw ritin gon, AJW! Thanks for sharing this, and have fantastic day/evening!


GROUP
The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community.
#1188309 by iKïyå§ama

Angel Army Sig



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/08/2019 @ 7:23pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4478692