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 Review #4480158 |
 | Memories of My Father  [13+] Something I'm glad he didn't see. (A Senior Center Forum Contest - Did not Place)  |
| (4.5)  Hiya Mastiff! I am happy to review your wonderful poem in "I Write in 2019'!   Wow! This must have been hard to write and you share it so vulnerably. The end was really sad as your connection with him was triggered by the fires at Notre Dame. How wonderful that you were able to see it with him. And yes, it out lasted even the wars. As a man of faith it might have been tough. The energy of these places is vibrant. I like how you begin and weave the relationship with your family into your own growing awareness of what occurred in the past, especially when people do not grow in awareness but hold to old resentments and misunderstandings. I really felt for you when family cut you off when really you would have just added Love to the mix, not after anything. Greed is a thing for sure. I recall my grandma dying and her one daughter coming in to make sure she got the best keepsakes. Good grief! So sad that you did not get to see him as he died, yet he was with you in spirit as you were in his heart.  A few little notices: In the second stanza: "At least his time I at least knew why." perhaps drop the second "at least" and make "his", "this time."  In last long stanza: "talked, often talked"... notice added comma I put. "of him" needs to be "off him" "we saw that trip," perhaps needs to be "saw on that trip".  I liked the heartfelt little message to your dad at the end of the poem. IT expresses your love and desire that he be at peace always. It is interesting you wonder if living longer would be good for you. I wonder why you would think that? We live as long as we do until our time...so it would not really be good or bad.   The free form of this expression suit the theme and detailed content, which can be a challenge to get into a poetic style. It is like a storem. The feeling is strong and memories vibrant, close to the heart.  The voice is consistent and real. I enjoyed reading about your experience which gave food for thought and evoked my own memories of my family... the Notre Dame symbolic of the passing of an age. Thanks for sharing your vision and piece of your life with us. Blessings of light!  eyestar 
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You last responded to this review 04/16/2019 @ 10:40pm EDT