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Review #4482973
Viewing a review of:
68 Minutes  [E]
Not all abuse is at the hands of adults...
by 🌕 HuntersMoon
Review of 68 Minutes  
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hi Ken! I was surprised to learn that I have reviewed this previously years ago, while writing under my pen name Shelly Keyes. I'm re-reviewing it as part of the mental health challenge to update my feedback.

*Heartg* Theme/Subject Matter:
I find it heartbreaking the amount of bullying that happens in schools and on school buses. I don't understand why our young people behave this way. Is it because of what they're taught or because of what they're not taught? The factors are many and complex, to be sure. But in this simple poem you've painted a painful picture full of heartbreak. I agree not all abuse is done by adults. I hope with successive generations we'll learn better ways to handling conflict and our differences as well as more tolerance of each other. It's something I've worked hard to teach my children.

*Heartt* Originality/Creativity:
There's a ton of originality here and a real poignant pain.

*Heartg* Emotion/Impact:
There's great depth and emotion throughout.

*Heartt* My Favorite Part:
I especially like the opening paragraph. Broken trust, indeed.

*Heartg* My Suggestions:
A couple areas that you might want to look at again or tighten:

Stanza 4, sentences 3-4: These read more like sentences than anything poetic. If you shorten line four to My eyes drop it might have more impact. The language "I find that" seems weak to me, especially the use of that. Also, the line above "back toward me" doesn't need "back".

*Heartt* Summary:
This is an excellent poem on a very relevant topic for our times.

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