Hi Marcus Silverman ,



I chose to review your item today as I found it on the Read a Newbie page.

Title: I like the title. It creates a nice visual of what your satire is all about.

First impression: This had me laughing. You've done a really nice job of what you have set out to do.

General impressions: You open with the stark fact of the crime rate in the U.S., and the shocking amount of money that goes to the penal system. This is the platform that your piece builds on, and it is a clever opening. It kept this reader wanting to read on.

You draw a lot of parallels between prison life and astronaut life, and I like the way how you bring Australia's origins into your piece.

Your item has a smooth flow to it, and it keeps the reader engaged. You move from point to point seamlessly, and you manage to maintain the humorous side all the way through.

Suggestions: N.A.S.A. should be NASA. There are no periods in the spelling of NASA. It is regraded as an acronym, not an initialism, despite the fact that it is made up of the initial letters of the administration. Acronyms can be pronounced as a word, and therefore do not have periods.

You may also want to give some thought to double spacing your paragraphs. It just makes it easier to read. You can do this by editing your item, and scroll down to the Advanced section. You will find a dropdown called Paragraph Spacing.

Closing remarks: Although your piece is all done somewhat tongue in cheek, it could probably get some bureaucrat somewhere thinking about the possibilities.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~hating university


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

GROUP

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E) Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills! #1300305 by Maryann

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .