Hi PattyPags ,



I chose to review your item today as I found it on the Read a Newbie page.

Title: Your title tells us exactly what your item is about, but it does what it needs to.

First impression: This gave me a giggle. You put forth a very funny look at the U.S. Senate and lawmaking in general.

General impressions: Oh yes! How simple the world would be if words were spelled how they sounded

I like the light tone of your piece. It feels like a "Six o'clock news" type thing. It flows well, and I like how you have "interviewed" a variety of people, and even included a young boy and a former president.

It feels like a genuine news item as you have provided something of both sides of the argument.

You do need to check the final paragraph though. You have a couple of half-finished sentences. Also you mention "GND" - I'm not sure if this is a real thing or if you are talking about the New Grammar Deal. If it's the later, then you have the abbreviation wrong; it should be NGD, not GND.

Favourite quotes:



This line is just brilliant. It perfectly sums up the basis of the entire piece.

Line by line suggestions: You pretty much have your spelling, grammar, and punctuation down pat, but there are a couple of errors that should be picked up on a final readthrough. These are included in the dropnote below. Your original work is in black, specific suggestions are in indigo, and additional notes/explanations for the change are in orange.

Line by line suggestions ▼

Senators Inhofe and Reed had this to say, "in no way does this bill equate a popcorn kernel
Senators Inhofe and Reed had this to say: "In no way does this bill equate a popcorn kernel
You always start speech with a capital letter, even if it is in the middle of a sentence. Also you should use a colon here (you could use a period, but that would look odd). The way you have worded the bit before the speech, it is not a speech tag so cannot be separated with a comma.

We cannot just go around changing the spelling of words when we feel like it that would be communism.
We cannot just go around changing the spelling of words when we feel like it; that would be communism.
You have two complete sentences here, and they need to be split up. I used a semi-colon in my example as the second sentence flows directly from the first one. You could, of course, just separate them with a period.

Senator Rand Paul said, "this is just another move
Senator Rand Paul said, "This is just another move
As above, you always start speech with a capital letter

I am a supporter of liberty and people should have the liberty to spell words however they want
I am a supporter of liberty, and people should have the liberty to spell words however they want
You have two complete sentences here joined by the word "and". You need a comma before the "and"

Closing remarks:

Overall, it was an enjoyable item, and one I'm glad to have come across.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~hating university


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

GROUP

WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E) Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills! #1300305 by Maryann

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .