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Review #4483625
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Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: | (4.0)
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Kayleigh! (Pretty name, BTW! I've never heard it before!)
This isn't bad for your first piece on here. I like the idea of this new girl chasing her dream of wanting to become actor, and the descriptions you used of her apprehension were well done, bit felt incomplete. Or maybe it's the beginning of something longer? It's certainly something you could expand on!
Great spelling and telling, but I did see few niggles (sorry to be so picky!):
'She remembered what the day was(,) causing her to get a flood of butterflies...'
'As the questions started to flood her brain(,) Adele said her name(,) startling her.'
'She didn't understand she had only been there for 5 minutes(.) what could possibly be wrong. (this should be two separate sentences)
'they probably all thought she was stupid(,) especially Oliver.'
'when I don't come back next week(.)' she thought. (should be a comma)
Otherwise, nice job!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Kayleigh, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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