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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4484743
Review #4484743
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by 🌕 HuntersMoon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Azrael Tseng

It's me, Ken, and I saw your post in the "I Write in 2019"  forum. It is my pleasure to both read and to provide you feedback on your work "Invalid Item"  as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" .

✨ First Impression/Thoughts:
Wow. What an imaginative and creative story! You never disappoint me when I read your stories. The idea of an intelligent rock being healing planets would never have occurred to me but you have taken this idea and made it come to life with sympathy, intelligence, and - for those with a love of nature - a not-to-subtle reminder of what we're doing to our planet and the beauty we overlook as we destroy it.

✨ Creativity/Impact:
This is sooo creative and imaginative. Excellent.

✨ Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words 😁.

🔹 Title - "The Day The Moon Outshone The Sun." After reading your story, I thought your title was perfect. The "teaser" line (a.k.a. description) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. You used it to that end adding a mysterious element to your story - and, you didn't disappoint. 😁

🔹 Mechanics - No obvious punctuation or writing errors were seen but I'd have been surprised if there had been. You, my friend, seem to be a perfectionist and it shows here.

🔹 Narrative/Dialogue - I thought there was a great balance between narrative and dialogue. The dialogue was natural and flowed seamlessly. The narrative portions were purposeful and helped the reader "fill in the blanks."

🔹 Effective Story Telling - I think your wording and the familiar realism supported the story arc.

🔹 Presentation - Your story is very entertaining and I love that there are messages Thank you for making the font large since it opens the page up and makes for easier reading - especially for us geezers 😅. The story looks great on the page.

✨ Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* A very creative and entertaining read. Thank you for sharing your journey of imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best in the contest,

Ken

** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/14/2019 @ 11:19am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4484743