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Review #4485728
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Ahoy, Dalimer!
This is pretty cool, and I really like the concept of the rain becoming (or being glass). You did a good job of keeping the story moving, the spelling and grammar were well done, but the ending was a little confusing at first glance. I know the homeless man assumed Paul’s identity after he was killed by the glass rain, but I think you could have added a few more hints to it since you had more words to use.
Then again, it’s 5:30 in the morning and I haven’t had my second cup of coffee yet, so you can probably just scratch that last sentence.
Comments and suggestions:
‘The man looked up a(t) the building across the street’
“...I wouldn’t be standing here now(,) would I?”
‘It slithered over the city like a giant slug, the darkness of its body all-consuming.’ (nice!)
‘a crystalline porcupine of shards’ (great metaphor!)
‘The rest is, as they say, is history.’ (need to get rid of one of those ‘is’s’)
Otherwise, well done!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Dalimer! It’s good to see you still entering "SCREAMS!!!" ! If it weren’t for people like you, this contest probably wouldn’t exist!

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