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 Review #4492341 |
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| (4.5)  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good morning, Taylor Twelve  , and welcome to WdC. For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and my handle is a reference to my steampunk days; I'm in the process of transitioning to horror. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. I should explain that I use a template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to improve in ways you never thought of. I, too, used to be at another site, The Steampunk Empire. There were 20,000 members, builders, gamers, musicians, cosplayers, and yes, writers. One day the admin woke up in a snit and deleted the site. People lost a decade of material, contact with friends, everything. So here, too, am I, an internet orphan looking for a home. But enough about me. Let's look at your essay. STORY: This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. You should note that if you're reading this review, it means you've garnered decent to high marks in this category, or I would have moved on to something more engaging. I will try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination, so congratulations; you've done something well already. While this isn't a story, exactly, it is a piece that engenders feelings, so it's closely related. It speaks volumes, and every writer and reviewer here should read and contemplate. There is great pressure in the writing world to produce. You're only as current as your last work, so you'd better have something new on the table every single day. This is a great reminder that it's okay to take a break, it's okay to spend a day without being creative, it's okay to have a life outside your WIP. I usually go on to discuss the other key aspects of fiction, characters and settings, but those have no application here, so I'll skip right to the fourth major aspect. PRESENTATION: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Spelling, grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. As almost always happens, I found three tiny hiccups. 1. There is a period at the front of the second paragraph. This tugged me out of immersion as my mind stopped following the narrative to ask why. 2. In paragraph 8, ...her sweet scent over taking... Overtaking in this sense is one word. 3. In paragraph 9, ...my vacation at end. This would read much more smoothly as "...at an end." SUMMARY: Time now to answer the all-important question: how did you do? Spectacularly well, actually. Those little grammatical hiccups are easily fixed by a thorough proofreading. Proofreading is one of an author's best friends, by the way, along with editing and rewriting. Form a close relationship with those fine fellows, and you'll be well on your way to success. There will be a tiny deduction for those, but the meat of this, the message to relax and de-stress, is a pearl beyond price, something this busy membership needs to hear, and I plan to share it with my own readers; perhaps you'll garner a few more eyes from that group, and this is really a piece that deserves to be read. I hope that I have presented my opinions in a way that is constructive, and that you will find helpful to your endeavors going forward. It is never my intention to belittle anyone's efforts or discourage them from following the dream that I have found so fulfilling for the last six decades. In any case, if I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one! Read well, and write better,  Jack Don't know if you have any interest, but if you'd like to talk horror with some of WdC's leading practitioners, become a regular at
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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