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 Review #4493038 |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  Good morning, struggle2bherd, and welcome to WdC. For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and my handle is a reference to my steampunk days; I'm transitioning to horror, but try to review a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. I should explain that I use a template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. I don't usually review essays, but this one has a lot to say and the subject is of great interest to this membership, so I'm goin' in! As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to improve in ways you never thought of. Let's get started, then. STORY: This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. You should note that if you're reading this review, it means you've garnered decent to high marks in this category, or I would have moved on to something more engaging. I will try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination, so congratulations; you've done something well already. An essay has no story, per se, but it has a subject and a theme, and if it is going to be successful, it cannot wander aimlessly into unrelated areas. The theme here as I read it is that writers need to be courageous, and that is the absolute truth. Writing for yourself is easy. When you offer your writing in a public forum, you make yourself subject to whatever criticisms people care to level at you. You become "known" in a very incomplete way by the relatively few words you can put on a page to share, and most people, you included as you clearly state, understand that not everyone is going to like what you write. It's a demanding exercise, and while as a writer you won't have to stand in front of a dragon with a sword and a shield, or face down a mugger armed only with your wits and your key ring, the courage required to face a sea of anonymous critics comes from a similar place. You have made that quite clear in this short little piece, and anyone setting out on the journey with visions of the late night talk show circuit dancing in their heads would do well to read it. 5 stars for theme and subject. As primarily a reviewer of fiction, I usually launch into detailed studies of CHARACTERS and SETTINGS here, but that would be irrelevant to this essay, and will be omitted. Which brings us to the section for which I will ask you to have a bit of courage. PRESENTATION: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Spelling, grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. And of course, I found a couple of issues I need to take you to task over. 1. I don't understand the capitalization of "WILL" in the first sentence. That gives the word an emphasis that it doesn't seem to need, and it reads more smoothly to me without it. 2. The ellipsis (...) used in the first sentence is questionable. First, an ellipsis is always three periods... period. In long-established rules of grammar there are spaces between: . . . but in this age of wrapping text, typing programs have a tendency to put two dots on one line and one on the next, so it has become semi-accepted to crowd them together. In this case, however, I believe a semicolon or a full period would serve your essay better. Just me, but take a look and see what you think. 3. In this passage, ...that can be confronting but what is the point... Confronting is an odd verb that disturbs the flow. You can be confronted or confrontational, but you are confronting something, and almost always in a physical sense. I'd recommend a verb like daunting. Also, but what is the point of writing is a subordinate phrase, and needs a comma preceding the "but." 4. Let's examine the phrase ...which one's to take on board and which one's not too... The "one's" you've used, with the apostrophe, is possessive, as in one's mind must be kept active. The plural form is without the apostrophe, as in which ones to take on board. Also, the "too" at the end of that sentence is the form that means "also;" you want to, the adverb. Finally, I'd recommend losing the ellipsis in favor of a period. The ellipsis is most commonly used in non-fiction to indicate missing words from a quotation. SUMMARY: Time now to answer the all-important question: how did you do? Subject and theme were crisp, concise, relevant, and well-presented. All the issues stem from the mechanics, and there were many for a piece this short. My recommendation would be to pick up an inexpensive style guide (the one I use is The Elements of Style by Strunk & White), keep it near your keyboard, and refer to it anytime you're in doubt. It's as readable as a textbook, and you can read passages when you aren't writing to pick up tips and techniques you never knew you needed to know. There are a number of these available, up to the monstrous tomes used by professional editors, and all have points to offer. Keep an eye on the price — the big ones can crack $100 — and don't buy more than you need. The bottom line: This is a good, useful essay for anyone setting out on the journey; you should go in with reasonable expectations, and this makes clear what to expect. It needs a lot of work on the mechanics, but that's the easy part. There is no book I'm aware of that will teach you how to have an imagination, and you seem to have that part covered. I'm going with 4 stars on this, the missing point obviously being for the presentation. I hope that I have presented my opinions in a way that is constructive, and that you will find helpful to your endeavors going forward. It is never my intention to belittle anyone's efforts or discourage them from following the dream that I have found so fulfilling for the last six decades. In any case, if I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one! Read well, and write better,  Jack Want to stay in touch and exchange ideas on the various aspects of the Craft? Become a regular visitor at my blog,
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You last responded to this review 07/10/2019 @ 11:54pm EDT