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 Review #4493269 |
 | The Sleepwalkers  [E] She woke up in a creaking house, two floors below the room she had fallen asleep in.  |
| (5.0)  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good morning, Artan , and welcome to WdC. For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and my handle is a reference to my steampunk days; I'm transitioning to horror, but try to review a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. I should explain that I use a template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to grow your work in ways you never previously imagined. Let's get started, then. Before I pitch in, allow me to offer a suggestion: Put a little of yourself into your bio sections. You will receive much more tailored reviews if your reviewer knows a little about your background and experience level. STORY: This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. You should note that if you're reading this review, it means you've garnered decent to high marks in this category, or I would have moved on to something more engaging. I will try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination, so congratulations; you've done something well already. I'm not going to start with a lie, and say that I know what's going on here. This story is as rich and convoluted as abstract poetry. There are layers and meanings that I don't pretend to understand, and that adds to its impact. This was a challenging read that left me with more questions than answers. You are probably going to receive some negative reviews from readers who like their stories all tied up nice with a bow, but I appreciate the skill and chill of a story like this, and the need to try to figure it out. Is this woman dead? Does she live in an old house with her dead relatives? Is that why she can't leave? There's a lot going on here, and I'll be thinking about this on some level long after I've turned on my Xbox this afternoon. 5 Stars. CHARACTERS: This section discusses all aspects of the characters, the way they look, act, and talk, as well as the development and presentation of backstory. Allow me to present "Tyler's Axiom:" Characters are fiction. Rich, multifaceted characters with compelling backstories will seize the reader in a grip that will not be denied, and drag him into their narrative, because he can't abide the thought of not knowing what will happen to them. Conversely, lazy, shallow stereotypes will kill any story regardless of its other qualities, because the reader will be unable to answer the second question of fiction: Why do I care? These characters, all nameless (except Heather; is she a plant grown to human form?), all interact like the players in a work by Tennessee Williams. Rich, layered, nuanced, these are everything you could ask for in fictional characters, and while I can't decide whether they're dead or alive, they tick every box for engaging personas. 5 Stars. SETTINGS: This section deals with the locations you've established for your action, the ways in which they affect that action, and your ability to describe them clearly and concisely. You could say that this aspect answers (or fails to answer) the first question of fiction, What's going on here? Setting can be used to challenge a character, to highlight a skill or quality, to set the mood of a scene without overtly saying a single thing about it, and a host of lesser impacts too numerous to mention. You might think of it as a print artist's equivalent of a movie's "mood music," always important yet never intrusive. All in all, a pretty big deal, then. So how did you do? Everything transpires around this house, and what a magnificent house it is. How old is this place? How long has it been since live people lived here? It seems to be falling down around the ghosts, but maybe something else entirely is going on... Like the rest of it, this checks every box for a mysterious setting, and once again I'm going with 5 Stars. PRESENTATION: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Spelling, grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. This is the most amazing part of all. Typically, in pieces half this length, I spend an hour on a line-by-line discussion of all the typos, misspellings, "to vs too" issues, and so on. I could not find one error to list. This is another 5 Stars, and I'm blown away! SUMMARY: Time now to answer the all-important question: how did you do? Obviously, incredibly well. This is one of the most put-together stories I've read here, and one that demands consideration long after the reading is done. In the absence of a bio, I know nothing about you, but if this is typical of your work, you're going to be a big name around here in no time. It should go without saying, but for the record, 5 Stars. I've found no criticisms to level, and therefore no great assistance to provide. I'll just hope you can find something useful in my own philosophy of the Craft. As I said, I know nothing about you, but let me leave you with one thought to take with you: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one! Read well, and write better,  Jack Want to talk horror with some of WdC's leading practitioners? Become a regular at
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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