Hi AbbyOlson,
This is a wonderful story. The tone is full of shock and nervousness. The reader is wondering if the would be burglar will go ahead with his plans. They will read to the last word to find out. The plot is straight forward and moves along logically. The story is about a man who breaks into an old man's house, and tries to break into his safe, as an initiation to a gang. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The old man speaks like a real person. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:

1) but obviously that was not the case and now I had been spotted.-There should be a comma after "case".

The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. You have accomplished a great deal in just a few words. Great job.