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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4496892
Review #4496892
Viewing a review of:
 The stars and the moon   [E]
A poem about love
by blurtic
Review by the Wordy Jay
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

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~ the Wordy Jay ~


Hello, blurtic !

*BalloonR*    WELCOME TO WDC FROM THE "Newbie Welcome Wagon *BalloonR*

Ah, I see you've chosen to make your first poem here a LOVE poem. Can't go wrong with that — this topic's a favourite with poets and lovers of poetry everywhere! *Wink*

I like your title . It reflects a romantic theme as well as hint at that contents of your poem. Nice! *ThumbsUpL* However, your teaser line appears to be rather straightforward. My little suggestion: consider tweaking it to "match" your title by giving it a little poetic "flair".

Here's an example of a title and teaser line that complement each other:
 Timeless Love  [ASR]
a love that never dies
by innerlight



Hmm . . . The following lines seem to present an "incomplete" train of thought. You might want to check for any missing words or phrases.
All because we’re lead to believe
To accept the love
We think we deserve.



The idea of patiently waiting to give one's beloved the entire galaxy once they are ready is a very romantic one. You must be a poet at heart! *Ha*


I hope you're enjoying WDC (Writing Dot Com) so far. Do add more items into your portfolio and fill in your bio so other members can get to know you better. If you need any help navigating the site, just holler! *Wink*

Here are a couple of great contests/forums specially for newbies

Do check them out if you haven't already!
*Bigsmile*

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/05/2019 @ 1:38pm EDT
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