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 Review #4498593 |
 |  | Ice  [E] A 299 word story written for the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge 8/14/19.  |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good morning, hullabaloo22 , and welcome to WdC. For the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and my handle is a reference to my steampunk days; I'm transitioning to horror, but try to review a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. I should explain that I use a template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD STORY: This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. You should note that if you're reading this review, it means you've garnered decent to high marks in this category, or I would have moved on to something more engaging. I will try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination, so congratulations; you've done something well already. What we have here is a concise little tale in very few words, a factor I'm going to praise several time throughout this review. In a matter of 300 words, you have delivered a complete story that goes from romance to drama to anticlimax, and offers background you can see and feel, and characters with enough depth to care about. This is very impressive. I've read stories of three thousand words, and come away wondering the author was trying to convey. I'm a bit iffy about your opening sentence; it smacks of "a dark and stormy night." But I can't nail down a description of anything that is completely wrong about it, and I won't penalize you for my misgivings. In any case, it sets the tone beautifully. Five stars here. CHARACTERS: This section discusses all aspects of the characters, the way they look, act, and talk, as well as the development and presentation of backstory. Allow me to present "Tyler's Axiom:" Characters are fiction. Rich, multifaceted characters with compelling backstories will seize the reader in a grip that will not be denied, and drag him into their narrative, because he can't abide the thought of not knowing what will happen to them. Conversely, lazy, shallow stereotypes will kill any story regardless of its other qualities, because the reader will be unable to answer the second question of fiction: Why do I care? Two characters, romantically involved, think they see someone in distress. The girlfriend leaps into action without a second thought, drawing the boyfriend in against his better judgement. What do we see? They care about each other and others, they are willing to take risks to do the right thing, he has a little streak of sarcasm that he allows to show but never unleashes on her... in 300 words. Five stars on this aspect as well. SETTINGS: This section deals with the locations you've established for your action, the ways in which they affect that action, and your ability to describe them clearly and concisely. You could say that this aspect answers (or fails to answer) the first question of fiction, What's going on here? Setting can be used to challenge a character, to highlight a skill or quality, to set the mood of a scene without overtly saying a single thing about it, and a host of lesser impacts too numerous to mention. You might think of it as a print artist's equivalent of a movie's "mood music," always important yet never intrusive. All in all, a pretty big deal, then. So how did you do? A walk by a frozen river. Simple, elegant, and encompassing just enough sinister elements to power a story and keep a reader interested for the duration. Again, the reader is fully involved with all his senses, and this is accomplished in the space of 300 words. There's nothing here not to like; five stars. PRESENTATION: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing as a writer is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Errors in spelling and grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues, use of words inconsistent with their actual meanings, all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. In the area where it seems I can always find issues, often too many to list individually, all I could find was one missing space, here: “No, look...there!" The ellipsis is always followed by a space. I have decided after some thought that I'm not going to drop half a star for a missing space. Just be aware, and fix it if you still can, but all five here as well. SUMMARY: Time now to answer the all-important question: how did you do? Obviously, magnificently! I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions to help you improve your writing; maybe you can give me some! No, seriously, that is not a request for you to give me a review in return, just me trying to be funny. If this story is typical of your work, then you have every aspect of your Craft nailed down. I had a good time reading and reviewing this, and I thank you for sharing it. Best of luck in the contest! Read well, and write better,  Jack Want to talk horror with some of WdC's leading practitioners? Become a regular at
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/14/2019 @ 2:17pm EDT