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Review #4499630
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Hi struggle2bherd. Good day to you.

I am ShelleyA and I am reviewing your poem "Invalid Item"  in affiliation with our group "The WDC Angel Army" . Please note that this review reflects my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find it helpful.

**Title**:
A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem. It sets the stage for it in its reflection of your theme’s intent - the importance of having dreams - while at the same tie capturing the essence of the poem as it acts as a portal to invite readers into it.

**First Impression**: For me, poetry opens the door of opportunity for the writer to explore different ways of presenting poetry and to do it in new and unique ways to stimulate readers even if we sometimes bend the rules of forms to make it our own. I'm a formalist poet and I love to read, write and create form poetry. I am a ‘rhymer’ and I do love rhyming poetry. This is a good write about dreams and their importance in one’s life. Well crafted rhyming poetry that I enjoy.

**Imagery**:
Imagery is good as are the descriptives. Nice use of poetic device. Good color and shade in your wording that promotes and evokes emotion through your sense of sight (observation). Through the lens of your eye you paint a vivid picture of a dream for your life that any reader can appreciate, relate to and see in their mind’s eye.
Metaphor/Personification/Simile: Nice use of metaphor “dream is our slumbering mind” and ‘evening chasing sunset - playing games’; good use of descriptive comparison. Nicely done.

**Flow/Rhythm/Tone**:
Flow is nicely done. Good line to line transition and breaks. Rhythm is nice; pacing is good. Lovely depth of feeling that is heartfelt and introspective. You express what dreaming can do for a person that is encouraging and uplifting. Earnest, yet reassuring. Inspiring and optimistic. Well done.

**Rhyme**:
Rhyme is good as is the rhyme scheme. A nice mix of near perfect feminine and masculine end line rhyme that is executed well in this piece. Nice use of internal rhyme.

**Word Choice**:
Word choice is good as is the use of repetition for emphasis of feeling. Good use of alliteration, assonance and consonance. I do have some suggestions on the filler words that can be removed so that your rhythm and flow will be much better in my opinion: remove “the” before green grass in line three; change “it does right now” to ‘anyone knows’ (a fix to the end line rhyme); remove “and the” before bustle in line six; remove ‘the’ before nameless in line seven; remove ‘the’ before sunshine in line eleven; remove ‘the’ before evening and sunset in line twelve; remove ‘the’ before bright in line fourteen; add a comma after dream in line nineteen and remove “and” before that in the same line and I’d change “retake” to remake as the last word in line twenty. Please note that these changes are only a suggestion. This is your poem, use what you may have found helpful in my review, ignore the rest.

I especially like the following lines:
“A dream is our slumbering mind filing our daily thoughts away
But can also bring us hope for a better future and a brand new day” — I really like these two lines. They sum up exactly what dreams can do for a person which complements your theme in this piece. Nicely done.

**Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation**:
No spelling errors found. Punctuation: just a suggestion, a strategically placed comma at natural pauses will give emphasis to each change of thought. Also, at the end of a thought add a period (a full stop) before the next new statement begins. This is a help in longer poetry.

**Closing Thoughts**:
Overall, this is a good inspirational write. I enjoyed the theme and hopefulness of your poem. It kept my attention from beginning to end. Nicely penned and a much enjoyed read. Write on!


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