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Review #4500775
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Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: | (4.0)
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Hello there, EnterName5312!
This isn't bad. It's a simple story about looking for your friend at very weird party, and your descriptions as meandered through the crowd were good. It was a little more telling than showing though.
If you want to check out that in more detail, click on this: ""Telling" Vs. "Showing" - Part 1"  It's really just a matter of using more adverbs and adjectives in your stories to be more descriptive.
As far as you saying you're a bad writer (I read your port intro), that just isn't true! You're still young and you just need to learn the ropes a little more and create your own 'voice'. That takes time. Some people write for years before they create their own voice, or style. Just be patient!
I'll say this: since I joined this site, my writing has improved a LOT! I've even managed to get 12 different short stories published by 8 different publishers since I've been here!
A couple of tiny niggles you might want to check:
He responded by yelling back, "Where's your invite(?)"
'The waiter('s) arms moved so fast...'
Oh, and by the way, I use to enter this contest quite a bit, so here's a little hint if/when you enter it again: the owner/judge, Arakun the Twisted Raccoon really likes surprise/twisted endings! *Wink* Trust me on that!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something more about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4500775