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Review #4504791
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Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: | (4.0)
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Greetings, Guzzlegut!
This isn’t bad for your first piece on here, but it’s a little (or a lot) nonsensical. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you—I’ve written my share of nonsensical pieces as well.
What stood out to me was the ‘invisible troll’ that rode on the bard’s back. I don’t know if you were consciously comparing it to a ‘monkey’ on somebody’s back, which is some folks consider to be a bad habit, in this case alcoholism, but it seemed to work for this.
Regardless, he seemed to be the main character, and he was obviously a terrible influence on the bard.
I also don’t know about revealing the bard’s fruit fetish in this story though. That’s pretty personal, and I’m sure he wouldn’t like you telling everybody about it.
Other than that, this was certainly different. But at least they all lived happily ever after! *Laugh*
Comments and suggestions:
‘The bard sat on (a) chair...’
“Beer(,)” said the grey skinned abortion...’ (*Laugh* nice description!)
‘After a while it started to whinge.’ (sure you don’t mean ‘whine’?)
‘...with banana.” Suggested the troll’ (banana,” suggested)
‘Speaking to royalty was sure (to) cause an episode.’
“What can I get you(,) good sir?”
‘...his hand shaking as his dropped the coppers’ (he)
Kee ponw ritin gon, Guzzlegut, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you’re going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies"  and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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