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 Review #4505097 |
 |  | Pretty Ugly Words  [18+] Poetry and prose for contests. The occasional "slider" poem.  |
| (4.5)| Hello there, It's Mastiff, and I'll be taking a look at your work today. I have to be honest, I'm not a poet, don't know much about poetry, and the rules are much different than other writing. So take everything I say with a grain of salt, or a winter bag of it, knowing these are just my thoughts. I won't do much as far as technical corrections, unless I see something that really sticks out, because the rules are just so different. Thanks for sharing your writing! Why I chose it: Clearly I posted next on the I Write 2019 contest! I don't know about you, but doing reviews of different types of items, like poetry, has made me a lot more comfortable reviewing them. How it made me feel: I related to this quite a bit. You really caught the essence of those nights when sleep just will not come. I usually just read, because it's usually some stress item keeping me up. I also felt a little sad for whomever experiences this. Points I thought you made: I get the overall message is that sleepless nights are awful, but I also came away with that understanding that you simply cannot force natural sleep. The question of where the dreams have gone left me a little curious. Nice take-off on a line from Hamlet, even those his words were a contemplation of suicide. I'm fairly certain that wasn't your intent here. Anything Technical: Stanza- 1 Line - 3: Caffeine doesn't really rhyme there, but I'll bet you knew that.  Stanza- 2 Line - 5: Same thing, "now" and "allowed" are quite close, though. Stanza- 2 Line - 5: I tend never to emphasize with all capitals. I know these days it's considered like a shout, but I'm old school I guess. I'd have used italics instead. All in all, it's a nice piece of work, hitting a subject most of us have dealt with at some point. I've never seen this form before, so it was nice to see something new! Final Thoughts: I liked how you ended the three stanzas with the same sentence. I assume that's your refrain. Of course, dreams can be a mixed bag. So, be careful what you wish for! Thanks again, and happy writing! Mastiff 
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