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Review #4505140
Viewing a review of:
My Little Friend  [13+]
The Littlest Poetry Contest / Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest Entry
by Mastiff
Review of My Little Friend  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Mastiff ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a cute little poem. I don't think I've ever read your poetry before, so I was interested to have a read. The thing that struck me most was your humour. I have to say, I love the picture you chose for this poem, too. It's perfect. As I first read through, I had a smile on my face the whole time. You really made me laugh. The little dragon is such a cute and likable character.

Voice/Tone: The voice is light and humorous. It's almost like you're doing a stint at stand up comedy. Part of me felt that the pet wasn't real (yes, I know, it's a dragon; it's not real). What I mean is, I wonder if the narrator is imagining the little dragon friend. Although, the singed beard probably means the dragon was real.

Mechanics: I can see you have adhered to the form. The rhyme is aabb throughout, and each line of each quatrain has eight syllables. However, the rhythm in some of the lines isn't as smooth as it could be. The stresses of the syllables aren't even, and it makes the verse read a little bumpily. For example: "It is true you are very small, / Only standing two inches tall." In the second line here, you have three unstressed syllables next to one another —"standing two—" This throws off the balance, and it's a little hard to get into a reading rhythm. If you changed it to something like, "You only stand two inches tall" it would smooth it out.

My Favourite Part: My favourite part of the poem is the humour. I love these lines: "For if you sneeze by accident, /It starts a fire you never meant!" That's so funny, and I could picture it so well. I also love this line: "Touch the belly? I get your claws!" Again, this conjures up a wonderful picture n my mind. It's so, so funny.

Suggestions: In the last verse, you begin two of the four lines with the word but. It jumps out, and it would be good to try to find a different word for one of these lines. When there are so few lines and words, it's good to try to use more variety.

I really like this poem. It's well-thought-out and tells a story which is both funny and cute. What more could we possibly want!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/20/2019 @ 10:59am EDT
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