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Review #4505691
Viewing a review of:
 Trapped in a Haunted Mall  [13+]
What happens if you go to the mall decades after it was abandoned
by EnterName5312
Review by Angus
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Greetings, EnterNames5312!
This isn’t bad. I know you have it under the horror genre, but it didn’t seem too scary to me. To be honest, it felt more like a children’s scary story to me; it was so simple in the way you told it, and the ghosts seemed to be more of a nuisance than they were frightening. If they were really trying to scare James and Samantha, I think they would have done more than jump on them and throw chicken pieces at them. And neither one of them seemed too scared—they weren’t screaming.
But if you were trying to write a kid’s scary story, then it’s actually good.
One suggestion:
“Apparently the stories are enough to drive most people from heading to these areas” (I think this would sound better if it was ‘coming’)
Also, there’s a lot of missing grammar in this (commas and periods), but most of those are at the end of the quotes.
By the way, there’s a LOT malls in this country that have been abandoned lately, so it wouldn’t surprise me if some of them really WERE haunted!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Enter, and good luck with the class workshop!

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