Hi, 🌑 Darleen - QoD !

          Overall +/- :
My thoughts on the piece as a whole...

         Hello! I'm here as a fellow participant in "I Write"! Love love love the assonance and rhyme and slant-rhyme in this one! It makes for such a smooth read. The content and symbolism are quite lovely, as well. I only encountered a few small issues that kept me from completely enjoying the poem. I'll mention those below.

          Rhythm & Flow:
Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount.

         Amazing flow and rhythm. I love the poetic devices you made use of here. You created your own structure for this poem, and it made it consistent. Your use of assonance and rhyme made this seem both free and structured—an interesting combination! A few very small issues affected the flow of the poem for me, but they weren't very big.

          Language & Word Choice:
Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters.

         Quite lovely! I love the consistent, extended metaphor of metamorphosis in this poem.

          Things I liked :
Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.

I was merely a caterpillar in a chrysalis
wrapped up in my insecurities,
stunted by uncertainties,
tainted with mental impurities;
...Immature...
though seasoned with experience.

Growing fat on
...Anxiety...
Until my mind shed my true identity.

          Suggestions:
Take them with a grain of salt.

societal expectation — My brain really wants "expectation" to be plural, since society has more than one expectation of people.

Watch out for... Inconsistent capitalization. — Many lines are punctuated in a free-verse sort of way, with enjambment. Some, however, are inexplicably capitalized, despite being in the middle of a sentence or thought.

a pupal in transition, — pupa

state of self-acception; — Acception is not a word. (Exception, however, is... though it means something entirely different.) Did you mean acceptance?

and my wings unfurled,
true colors exposed to the world,
into the blue skies I hurled; — This is a comma splice. Comma splices, grammatically, can be as short as four words. (She ran, she stumbled, for example, is a run-on, because it meets the definition of having two independent sentences improperly punctuated with a comma rather than a period or semicolon.) I'd suggest using a semicolon either in the first line or the second one. Either, actually, would fix the issue, and it really depends on which thoughts you want to connect. Also, the use of "hurled" struck me as a bit strange. In my experience, it's always a transitive verb—that is to say, there's always something being hurled... unless the word is being used to mean "vomit." I like the rhyme you create here, but this was a minor distraction to me as I was reading, and created an awkward mental image.

I was pulled from my shell — The passive voice here takes a bit of the energy of your transformation from you and puts it on the "you" who aided the transformation. If that was your intent, well-done! If you want the weight of the transformation to be on the subject of the poem who metamorphosed, rephrasing to avoid passive voice might be more effective.

          In Closing:
Any final thoughts...

         A lovely poem, a joy to read. I only encountered a few small distractions, certainly not enough to affect my enjoyment of your work, but enough to draw me away from its beauty a few times. Thank you so much for sharing your talent!

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .