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Review #4506743
Viewing a review of:
Pretty Ugly Words  [18+]
Poetry and prose for contests. The occasional "slider" poem.
by IceSkatingSugarCube
         Review for entry/chapter: "Argonelles" 
Review of Pretty Ugly Words  
Review by ruwth
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

May God bless both of us as we grow as writers together!


"I Write in 2019"  has me reviewing your item today! *Wink*

Poetic Form:

The title of this entry tells us the poetic form you are using. We talked about this before. I had explained I would prefer a title fitting your actual poem versus the name of the form. You did explain your reasons for naming your entries in this way and I understood. However, within the body of your entry, you could give your work an actual title.

With this poem, you could use a title that might set the stage for what you share in your poem.

I connected with the first two lines. The line ending with "mama" didn't sound quite right to me but it might just be that I am an old lady. To me, it sounded like a forced rhyme but it may not sound like that for younger folks or other folks.

You do have the form spot on!

Appearance:

I decided to play around with the layout and see the affect it might have.

Here are your words centered:

Alone,
comfort in the silence
away from judging and drama
I just ain't that kind of mama.
No mood for violence.


Here is your poem right justified:

Alone,
comfort in the silence
away from judging and drama
I just ain't that kind of mama.
No mood for violence.


Here is another idea:

Alone,
   comfort in the silence
         away from judging and drama
   I just ain't that kind of mama.
No mood for violence.


You can add layers using different layouts while adhering to the rhyme and rhythm of a form, eh?

Extras:

I have a couple comments and suggestion about your signature.

The comments first:

I love this:

Preorder my new book!
ASIN: B07WZQH279
Amazon's Price: $ 0.99
Not currently available.


To be honest, horror is not for me but I love to see an author promote their work using the WritingML for the Amazon tag!

The other comment: In the form information dropnote, I don't think you need to post the example. YOUR words are all the example we need. *Wink*

The suggestion: copy the StoryMaster in displaying signatures.

Right now, your signature overwhelms the entry and distracts from your poem. Lots of people make that mistake.

Here is a different way to do it:

{Bitem:2200505,2175732,2179526}

That will display your Bitems randomly one at a time like this:


FORUM
SugarCube's Insomniac Asylum  (18+)
Night owls welcome!! Open 24 hours! Daily activities! Prizes!
#2179526 by IceSkatingSugarCube


Refresh the page and see the other Bitems randomly pop up.

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo. could be displayed centered at the bottom of your entry or right below the Amazon link to your book.


Summary:

I hope you find my feedback beneficial. By the way, my grandson's wife said the mama line made perfect sense to her.



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