Hi, Mastiff !

          Overall +/- :
My thoughts on the piece as a whole...

         Hello! I'm here to read and review your work as a fellow participant in "I Write"! This was an enjoyable poem, and I loved the unique rhyme scheme and the way you creatively made the subject of the poem clear in a delightfully gruesome way! Perfect for Halloween.

          Rhythm & Flow:
Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount.

         I loved the ABACAD[...] rhyme scheme you had going in this poem! I have to thank you for introducing me to a form I hadn't encountered before. I stumbled a bit over the syllable counts. The first few lines had a wonderful and energetic meter and set me up to expect a 7-6-7-6 syllable count all the way through, so when the "Innards" line, the "candle" line, and the "pulverized" line came along, they broke up the flow for me. All the other lines followed the syllable count, so only those three jumped out. If it's something you feel would be worth doing, I'll talk a bit below about options for skimming a couple syllables off each line to create a smooth flow.

          Language & Word Choice:
Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters.

         The rhymes you chose were all fresh and creative—stylized, lobotomized, pulverized. Excellent and powerful word choice. The comparison of people who eat the seeds and "innards" to zombies was perfect.

          Things I liked :
Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.

I don’t come all stylized,
they pick me from a patch.
Then I get lobotomized, Strong and engaging start! And I love the creative imagery of "lobotomizing" the pumpkins! How apt!

          Suggestions:
Take them with a grain of salt.

and zombies eat my innards! — To smooth the flow, I'd suggest something like... and zombies eat my guts!

by the candle flicker in me. — To smooth the flow, I'd suggest something like... by candlelight inside.

They leave me in the street... pulverized. — Actually, I love the upset of the meter here in this sad, fading line, so I wouldn't suggest any edits here. During the more energetic, "pumpkin horror" lines, a more energetic meter might serve the content better, but I like what diverging from the expected meter and syllable count does here.

          In Closing:
Any final thoughts...

         A good, solid poem, well-written. The meter and syllable count took me out of the work, but I really enjoyed the subject matter. Thank you for sharing!

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .