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 Review #4509680 |
 Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  Good morning, Linn Browning  , and I hope it finds you well. You know me. I'm Jack Tyler, former steampunk author turned to horror, and I'm dropping in to give you a review. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. I should explain that I use this review template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD STORY: This is really the basic element, isn't it? If you can't tell an engaging story, it doesn't matter what else you can do, because nobody's going to read it anyway. You should note that if you're reading this review, it means you've garnered decent to high marks in this category, or I would have moved on to something more engaging. I will try to explain aspects from characters to grammar, but I don't know how to teach someone to have an imagination, so congratulations; you've done something well already.  This isn't a conventional story, but rather something that reads like a series of journal entries, or excerpts from letters. Whatever you might choose to call it, it is an epic and powerful piece of writing, made the more so by the twist ending. Truly as good as you're likely to see around here.CHARACTERS: This section discusses all aspects of the characters, the way they look, act, and talk, as well as the development and presentation of backstory. Allow me to present "Tyler's Axiom:" Characters are fiction. Rich, multifaceted characters with compelling backstories will seize the reader in a grip that will not be denied, and drag him into their narrative, because he can't abide the thought of not knowing what will happen to them. Conversely, lazy, shallow stereotypes will kill any story regardless of its other qualities, because the reader will be unable to answer the second question of fiction: Why do I care? So we have "the character," a musician who failed to get his break, and is now making his way home across the country. He's having adventures and enjoying the journey, and yet we see him deteriorating mile by mile until there's nothing left. The final paragraph stands your expectations on their heads, and it brought tears to eyes of this jaded old veteran of life's many battles.SETTINGS: This section deals with the locations you've established for your action, the ways in which they affect that action, and your ability to describe them clearly and concisely. You could say that this aspect answers (or fails to answer) the first question of fiction, What's going on here? Setting can be used to challenge a character, to highlight a skill or quality, to set the mood of a scene without overtly saying a single thing about it, and a host of lesser impacts too numerous to mention. You might think of it as a print artist's equivalent of a movie's "mood music," always important yet never intrusive. All in all, a pretty big deal, then. So how did you do? There are some nice descriptions here, but the "setting" is a continent, and each entry is in a new place. A lesser author might have taken the laundry list approach, writing series after series of descriptive phrases about wherever he is at the time. The piece would have suffered for it. The subtlety here, the fresh vision of sunrise over the plains, the truck rides, the sorority girls... You can almost hear the hum of the tires and the clatter of diner dishes. Beautifully done.MECHANICS: Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing as a writer is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Errors in spelling and grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues, use of words inconsistent with their actual meanings, all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. I've perused this slowly several times over, and have not found a single instance of any of those fatal gaffes I spoke of above. Your proofreading skills are quite equal to those of your storytelling, and it was a pleasure to read this wonderful story.SUMMARY: Incredible!I usually have words of so-called wisdom for the authors I review, and advise them to have fun and so on. I have nothing to add here. This is a fabulous piece of work, and I thank you for sharing it. I hope you get your break and go on to a long and successful period of writing, whether it becomes a career, or simply a hobby. All the best to you; may you find what you want. Read well, and write better,  Jack My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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