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Review #4510877
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Review by Mina~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: | (3.5)
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Hi!

It's been a pleasure to review your story "Invalid Item"  for reviewing my poem "Invalid Item" . This review is on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" 

*FlowerV**Vine2*Good story I like the concept. I especially like the ending. You beautifully described the fight with Goru’s mother with accurate and believable actions. “She kicked him in the side for good measure and then easily removed his shoe and took the vouchers”. Dialogue floated normally between the characters and I could imagine the scenes where they were.

*FlowerV**Vine2*I learned that a story without enough description is missing something. I felt you need some description of your characters, like the character Goru Oshido and his sisters Ibu and Inu actually looks like . Does she had curly hair, brown eyes, and freckles?

*FlowerV**Vine2*Though, I'm not an expert of story but I feel like I'm probably missing something at the beginning of your story and you need a paragraph break in some places.

Overall it’s a beautiful story. I enjoyed. The way you wrote keeps me reading it to the end.


*FlowerV**Vine2* Mina *Vine1**FlowerV*
*Grass**Grass**Grass**Grass**Grass**Grass**Grass**Grass*

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/22/2019 @ 5:00pm EDT
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