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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4511091
Review #4511091
Viewing a review of:
Little Poems - Haiku - Tanka - Etc  [E]
A place to share my little poems, haiku, tanka, than bauk, 24 Syllable, etc
by Tinker
         Review for entry/chapter: "Allergic" 
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Tinker

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: The first thought that ran through my mind when I read this was, "Eewwww!" It made me smile, also. I wasn't expecting it from the prompt word "eschew." However, I absolutely love where you took it.

Voice/Tone: The tone is funny, but at the same time, it's very matter-of-fact. I love the way you set the tone by referring to the felines as, "Demon cats." We know the guy isn't going to be a fan of them, and we soon learn why!

Mechanics: For just twenty-four syllables, you say a lot. You set up the scene, give us a little information, and deliver the punchline. And it has a brilliant impact.

My Favourite Part: The whole of the last line is fantastic. It's disgusting but great. It makes me smile every time I re-read it. I also think the ending of, "Ah, Chew!" is really clever. I admire the way you set up this scene so completely in so few words.

I love this little poem. You have made me chuckle on a grey and miserable UK day, and I thank you for that. It's great writing, Tink.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4511091