Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful!

Title: Short and sweet, well, maybe not so sweet. Sometimes a one word title works, other times, not so much. I know people will skimp on titles sometimes, because we can always change them, and I know I'll use a "working title" on occasion. It's a tough balance between giving the story away and not having enough to draw a reader to your work.

Initial Reaction: I read into the fifth paragraph, and when I saw it was a dog story, I was in. I rescue mastiffs, and love dogs. I have a few in my portfolio as well.

Setting: Pretty good work. Most stories and use more in this regard, but it's tough to accomplish with flash fiction. You certainly gave us more than enough to "see" where were as far as a nasty part of town.

Character Development: You did very well here, in my opinion, not only did your main character come to life, so did Snake and the bullies. Full marks!

Plot: I was hoping this wasn't going to end badly, so if you had me concerned, the plot was set up well.

Ending: Certainly caught me by surprise, and that's no easy thing to accomplish. Served them right, I say!

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 1 Ln. 1 - Punctuation after "blanket will make the sentence flow better, I believe.
Para. 2 Ln. 1 - I'd break up the long sentence.
Para. 13 Ln. 2 - Consider a comma after "thing."
Para. 18 Ln. 1 - It's generally best to spell out numbers one through ten. Also, a comma after "him."
Para. 18 Ln. 3 - Another comma after "him." Probably might consider adding a few to the paragraph.
Para. 21 Ln. 1 - Comma after "slept."
Para. 22 Ln. 3 - Comma after "factory."
Para. 24 Ln. 1 - I'd break up the long sentence.
Para. 26 Ln. 10 - You broke into first person.
Para. 27 Ln. 1 - Same here, but that may have been intentional.

Overall - Not bad at all. Mostly punctuation, and that's my old English TA coming out.

Adherence to Contest Rules: Looks okay to me. The word count is correct, and you certainly followed the prompt.

Overall Opinion: It really was a fun read with a very unexpected ending. Very enjoyable!


Writing On!

Mastiff