Hi, 🌑 Darleen - QoD !

          Overall +/- :
My thoughts on the piece as a whole...

         Hi! I was looking through entries in "I Write" for things to review for an extra review, and I kept coming back to this one. I really like how the very short lines and the fragmented nature of some of the lines work well with the content—the broken thoughts of the dying, perhaps? I loved the powerful verbs you used!

          Rhythm & Flow:
Whether freeverse or tightly-structured formal poetry, flow is paramount.

         The short lines in this poem form almost necessitate choppy phrases, but I think it worked really well for the content of this poem. It's always cool to see poets write works where the themes fit and complement the forms. Some clarity may benefit the poem. A couple words (devour, falsehoods) took a bit more effort to put together with the rest of their stanzas, but I enjoyed reading and rereading the lines, considering the many possibilities.

          Language & Word Choice:
Because poetry is one of the briefer art forms, every word matters.

         Thanks to your evocative title, "Love me to Death," I was excited to see what was waiting for me in this poem, and I wasn't disappointed. You have some really hard-hitting verbs (beg, shatter, devour, vile, falsehoods, bloodied) and all of them create a really raw, honest tone for the poem. The last stanza is especially stunning to me—even more so when it's contrasted with the "falsehoods" that existed while the narrator of the poem still lived. Only to the narrator's corpse can the poem's subject "declare truths." How lovely and chilling—toxic and enthralling. I read the last stanza several times over.

          Things I liked :
Sometimes phrases or lines jump off the page.

Declare
truths to my corpse
as you stand above me
bloodied What a chilling ending to the poem! Love me to Death, indeed!

          Suggestions:
Take them with a grain of salt.

I beg
for forgiveness
of sins I do not know
falsehoods — There's plenty of room for interpretation in these lines. I was a bit confused by "sins I do not know." I'm not sure if the narrator simply doesn't know the names or the sins, cannot remember committing them, or is trying to placate this violent lover by repenting for imagined sins. Are the sins falsehoods, I wonder, or does this final line relate to something else?

Shout out-
shatter my dreams;
your vile detestations
devour — I like that you made a new word here with "detestations"! I am not sure who is shouting and who is devouring, though...or what is being devoured. It makes for a very interesting mental image. Without knowing the actor, I'm simply imagining a disembodied voice shouting and gnashing teeth from a faceless subject devouring... which is appropriately chilling and fits the tone of the poem, despite the confusion it caused. Perhaps the "detestations" are devouring?

          In Closing:
Any final thoughts...

         You created a dark, memorable, and fascinating atmosphere in a highly restrictive form and with very few words. Very nice work! It was a pleasure to read this poem. Thank you so much for sharing!

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .