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Review #4517994
Viewing a review of:
 Ayyam-i-Ha: The Holiday Season  [E]
Intercalary Days: February 26 to March 1
by Prosperous Snow celebrating
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . This is also part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a beautiful tribute to a faith which appears to bring you a lot of joy and comfort. It sounds joyful, and the feeling with which I come away from this poem is one of bringing people together and sharing and helping one another. It is a very warm feeling.

Voice/Tone: Your voice is light and bright, like a beacon shining for your faith. It's a delight to read. It is also really interesting. This faith is one my husband is also interested in. He has bought some prayer books, and he was just speaking about it at the weekend. So, this poem is of extra interest to me because of that.

Mechanics: You have written three quatrains, all with an abab rhyme scheme. I really like this rhyme because it gives the poem a wonderful rhythm. It reads smoothly and has a great pace. I particularly love your rhyme of "humanity" with "unity." That works really well.

My Favourite Part: I love the overall positivity and joy this poem contains. Also, the education. I had no idea this faith has a fasting period. That is interesting. I like the way you celebrate "the love of Baha'u'allah" before the fast when you are asked to contemplate what you have and the sacrifices that have been made.

Suggestions: This is just a tiny point, and it doesn't affect the poem at all. It would be nice to know the correct pronunciation of some of the terms. For example, "Ayyam-i-Ha." Also, does the meaning of this word translate into English, or is it not translatable?

I really like this poem. It is light and joyous. A real pleasure to read.


Keep writing!

Choconut

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