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 Review #4519098 |
 | An exchange with lion cubs  [E] A poem for and about my wife. A love poem, that is.  |
| (4.5)  Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Good morning, AGCondor , and welcome to WdC. As promised (threatened?), I'm here to deliver a review. Unfortunately, this little poem has caught my eye, so you won't get to see much of my world-famous template. Oh, for the record, my real name is Jack Tyler, and I am a former steampunk author who has transitioned to horror, but I try to review a wide variety of styles and genres. While I have a few books in print, I am neither a famous author nor a renowned critic. I'm just a guy with an opinion that I'm here to share, and if you disagree with anything I say here, remember that the only opinion that matters is yours. I should explain that I use this review template in which I discuss my views on the important areas of quality storytelling, then compare your work to my own beliefs on the matter. As I said, I'm no authority, but hopefully my comments will give you some ideas to take your writing in directions you hadn't previously considered. Before I pitch in, allow me to offer a suggestion: Put a little of yourself, specifically your writing experience, into your bio sections. You will receive much more tailored reviews if your reviewer knows a little about your background and experience level. Let me just drop a warning here, and we'll get started. THIRD-PARTY READERS TAKE NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD PRESENTATION: This aspect deals with the first impression your story makes when a reader clicks on the title. Call it the cosmetics. I'll be looking at abstract items from text density to scene dividers in a effort to ferret out any unfortunate habits that might cause a reader to move on without actually reading anything; before you can dazzle him with your show, you have to get him into the tent! A poem or lyric tends to appear as a simple block of text, but the font and scale WdC has chosen is both bland and cramped, giving an unfortunately unattractive appearance. Some suggestions for improvement: 1, use a cleaner, more open font. the one I'm writing in here is Comic, which I use because it is close to my own handwriting. You might also consider this one, which is Verdana. It's easy on the eyes and has no "fancy" letters that might be mistaken for another at a casual glance. You achieve this by typing {font:verdana} at the beginning of your text. 2, you can make your font bigger by typing {size:3.5} at the beginning. 3, you can also open up the lines by typing {linespace:1.4} which this is, or even 1.6 at the beginning. Any combination of those treatments will give your work a crisper, more polished look. Note also that there is quite a selection of shortcut keys at the top of your composition page. Experiment with those until you find just the look you like. STORY: This is cute, and I really enjoyed it; I love your sharp meter and the way you employed it. A fun little rhyme about little grrrls portrayed as hunters, what else in the world? If you've been hunted by one of these cats, you're a lucky man to experience that! Really, this is a five-star effort. My simple, shoot-em-up-loving soul rarely gets poetry, but this one's easy, a fun little romp through an allegory of predators and gender. Thanks for sharing this great start to the day! MECHANICS: I include this sector in case it might help you learn something new. There is really nothing to critique here, as your efforts in this aspect are perfect. Whether you're writing fact or fiction, prose or poetry, the "holy grail" that you're striving for is immersion. This is an area that no author, myself included, ever wants to talk about: I've done all this work, and you want to argue over a comma?" But those commas are important. What you're really doing as a writer is weaving a magic spell around your reader, and your reader wants you to succeed. He wants to escape his mundane world for a period, and lose himself in your creation. Errors in spelling and grammar, typos, "there" vs. "their" issues, use of words inconsistent with their actual meanings, all yank him out of his immersion while he backtracks to re-read and puzzle out what you meant to say. This is never good, and this is the section that deals with that. As I said, not a single issue. SUMMARY:   Half a star for the bland presentation. This visual that greets the reader is one of a bland block of text that is in no way inviting, and it should be inviting. This deserves to be read! A great little story that brings a smile to the lips and a song to the heart. Very well done, and I thank you for sharing.I hope that I have presented my opinions in a way that is constructive, and that you will find helpful to your endeavors going forward. It is never my intention to belittle anyone's efforts or discourage them from following the dream that I have found so fulfilling for the last six decades. In any case, if I can leave you with one thought to take with you, let it be this: Don't forget to have the fun! So many young and/or beginning writers get so caught up in the daily word count, the quest for publication, and the often conflicting advice of other writers that they forget to enjoy the journey. You may or may not become the next Big Celebrity Author, but you will always have the experience. Make sure it's a good one! Read well, and write better,  Jack If you found my opinions useful or interesting, more are available for consideration on my blog,
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 12/11/2019 @ 11:17am EST