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Review #4521134
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Review by Nixie
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Rated: | (3.0)
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Hi gourdal. Nixie here, dropping off a review by using the read and review option.

*Candycaner*
The lesson provided here is precious and clear. Help others, expect nothing in return, and possibly be surprised by a return favor.

*Right* I will confess to total confusion. After reading the story and noticing the various mistakes, I clicked on the link to the blog. My question. Did you have this story published there? If not, why is story a copy/paste of the one on that website?


*Candycaner*
A few weird things I noticed.
One hot day of summer, The ant
[the] should not be capitalized. I saw this a few times.

The second sentence is a run-on and therefore confusing.

The word [very] is considered a non-word because it has no meaning. Writer's strive for stronger verbs. I won't offer suggestions because I don't understand the meaning of this story's origin.

and the ant jumped out as the leaf near to the land of the bank.

*Thought* and the ant jumped out as the leaf neared the bank.

After a few days later, the same day, a hunter came to the same jungle.
How can after a few days later be the same day? I won't bring attention to any more lapses of attention.

*Candycaner*
I'm continuing to wonder why this story is in your portfolio at all? Surely, I'm missing something. If you're interested in answering my question, I'd be grateful.*Smile*

~Nixie


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