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Review #4521261
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Review by Nixie
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi Jacky. Read and review brought me around again to your portfolio.

*Candycaner*
This is all so familiar I was smiling all the way. *Smile*
As an opening paragraph, it's a little week. A lot of explanation and not much of interest. You could probably condense that paragraph.

I enjoyed 'seeing' the the kids in the back seat, and had to laugh over Alex's and Annie's actions. I bet Alex seriously thought Annie was listening to the words. So precious.

Oh, poor Jane, going over the long list of essentials. My ex-husband always told me not to worry. If we forgot something, we'd buy it when we arrived.

Perfect sense that Jane would have turned the sound off while Annie slept. Too bad she'd hadn't set in to vibrate. Of course that would have spoiled the ending.

*Candycaner*
“I know I forgot something,” she thought.
I was taught quotation marks were only used for dialogue. Thinking is shown in italics > I know I forgot something, she thought.

So, flash fiction is a flash. All the story elements were there. Characters, setting, conflict, resolution. *Checkg*

I liked the kids' names, but Ted and Jane as character names was too bland for me. Not anything of concern for 'flash' merely something to keep in mind.

*Candycaner*
I go so caught up in Jane's predicament, I didn't even think (no spoilers here) about what she may have forgotten. Hopefully, she didn't drive too far before checking her phone.

Hysterical twist at the conclusion. Nicely done!

~Nixie


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