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Review #4521349
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Cassie. Dropping by your port today, driven your way via read and review.

*Holly2*
The title of the story sounded enticing. Even though the brief description told readers what to expect, no one could guess the exact troublesome event.

*Holly2*
I experienced Cassie's predicament as described. I wondered if her perception of her life was accurate. Sometimes we believe things about ourselves that simply are not true. However, it proved difficult for me to keep holding on to that for Cassie's sake. The case against her, especially the time when she admitted she couldn't stand up for herself, I knew she was lost. And once that happens, the carousel keeps on going backwards.

What can I say? I continued rooting for her, and you wrote the story skillfully. First, she knows how to avoid all the bees and roots and things that might hurt her. That's a picture clear in my mind. Showing us that scene, and then describing it backwards in her desperate attempt to run for help rang true. I honestly thought there was no way for her to save her brother. But she persisted.

It's quite telling that her dad sort of broke down and called her a heroine. Some of what she felt about herself did come from outside sources, mainly her own family. Yet she knew how to react and learned something different. It's sad she needed outsider admiration to visualize herself as special.

Surely her life will change.

I live in Florida, so everything in the story could be verified as authentic. Even the suction cup to get rid of the poison.

*Holly2*
I do have a question. The Half Moon School description fascinated me, which now that I'm thinking back, was the point. If this were a contest entry with limited word count, that's the bit of story you most likely would have to let go.

This is some backward feedback that belonged at the top of the review. *Headbang* You painted a vivid picture of where the family lived, and showed us the horse barn and smell the manure without a lot of fussy wording. *Checkg*

Here's a bit to carry forward. Try not to write using [was] in most sentences. When I remember that, it forces me to stretch my imagination and creates a challenge.

Thanks for the descriptive and tension-filled write. My body's a bit clenched, thinking about that snake. My son had a ball python. The kids would wear it around their necks. Gave me the shivers.

Sending positive energy your way
~Nixie




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Nixie


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