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 Review #4527325 |
| Hello Swarthy Bard, I'm reviewing you as a member of the WDC Angel Army. I have found yet another ode by you dedicated to the mysterious Rose G that gives more dimension to the woman who inspires the poet in traditional rhyme. And, I think at this point we need more to understand the devotion...joining of the two. Going off her description, "long and sable-haired...with your apple green eyes!" I can find something visual to go on (and pleasing, as well as 25-years-old (young love). But, I'm looking for something more consistent in metaphor. Opening stanza wavers from her figuratively lacking thorns and thistles to being like a ray of light. If there were a consistent comparative/metaphor it might hold true the beauty of the poem. Her name is a flower, you could compare her beauty to that. The meter did falter at places where you might want to consider stressed syllables and syllable counts to give us a more pleasurable read, helping with the appreciation of love in those passionate lines. I'm also troubled by the repeated twin reference. It's usually meant to describe one's other half, but it could be construed as sibling. It's not as romantic in that sense, for me. I think saying that Rose was denied a relationship twice until coming to senses didn't seem necessary. It might not matter the number of times, just the distrust that lead to pushing her away. Not sure why another chance, why a change of mind. That's the crux, the momentous occasion that didn't seem apparent here. It's the conflict-resolution of every story that's not well stated here. I've enjoyed the joyous enthusiasm of these poems. You have a style rooted in old world poetry. It has a charming appeal. Brian   6x the minimum character requirement for WDC credited review, minus greeting and ending salutation.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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