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Review #4529386
Viewing a review of:
 Beloved  [E]
A poem about the dream of the great love yet unknown
by peachmetaphor
Review of Beloved  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Dear peachmetaphor ,

I'm reviewing this poem as a member of the WDC Angel Army.

I enjoyed the voice you've created for this poem; it's tone and a kind of imaginary setting feels something of fantasy. I imagine these two characters depicted are half human, half beast...to my imagination as I read. Though, it seems this person seems more like a hunter or stalker obsessing over the one whose name he does not know (like a love interest)...but describes as intrinsically linked somehow.

There is some very impassioned dialogue and some good, useful metaphors. It felt like a stretch, however, to use a cocoon metaphor within an already surrealistic scene. I would focus on what feels true in this fantasy like genre poem. Staying focused on central theme will not lose a reader.

There's no real structure to this, which reads more like prose. It lacks the quality of free verse because it doesn't toy with sounds, rhythm or line breaks to enhance narrative style. Language is flowery and beautiful descriptions in some places that capture a reader.

For the most part, well done. I see potential with this. I like this better for the open setting of some monologue to start a short story or more. There's uniquity to my reading eye. I would try to describe with more detail place and characters...flesh out more. Have fun with it...worthy.

Brian

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