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Review #4534698
Viewing a review of:
 
A Haunted Memoir  [E]
This is a true story, whether you believe it is entirely up to you.
by Ray Scrivener
Review of A Haunted Memoir  
Review by Angus
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hujambo, Ray!
This is pretty good! You did nice job of telling it, and as a strong believer in ghosts and other supernatural events, I have no doubt that this is a true story.
I like how you described the house, and having that dream was freaky. Have you ever wondered if maybe the house (or whoever/whatever ) was ‘calling’ you for a second visit? *Ghost*
I’ll say this: your brothers blowing up that doll and burning the remains probably wasn’t a good idea. That sounds like a bad omen to me!
Personally, I’ve seen and heard some strange things in my 54 years (no voices though—yet!), but if I saw a hand up in a window closing curtains, I’d have been high-tailing it out of there too!
Comments and suggestions:
Your brothers blew up the doll? *Shock2* That sounds like bad omen to me!
‘would creak and moan(,) but for some reason that sound seemed eerie to me.’ (there’s a few other missing commas in this, but I think you could spot where if you went back over this)
‘I screamed at myself as I dropped the bike and walked inside the gloomy entrance.’ (this sounds odd--you said you were being ‘pulled’ earlier, so how about ‘...and was pulled against my will into the house.’ Just a suggestion)
‘...the dull rattle echoed(;) following me as I walked reluctantly.’ (should be a comma)
‘My heart raced as (I) drew nearer.’
‘the corroded grill jutting like teeth.’ (nice simile!)
Otherwise, nice job!
Kee ponw ritin gon, Ray! Thanks for sharing this, have a great day, and congratulations on your promotion to Preferred Author!}
BTW, I’ve got a true ghost story of my own if you want to check it out sometime (I was also only 11 years old when this happened!): "Goosebumps, Sonny And Cher, And A Light" 

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Angus Hand


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