Hello Luckie 🍀 !
This is your local and frolic like Sb here, reviewing on behalf of the Angel Army. I came across this item thanks to you being inspired by my self inflicted sneezing when eating. Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- I was brought into your story by the sneezing. I was a little unsure if our main character was sneezing by herself or watching someone else sneeze to start. So, if you want you could specify that it came from her so we know she's the sneezing culprit. This is just a suggestion for you to toy with if you want.

You could also but the 'Sneeze Thief' in italics if you so please. Just another suggestion you could play with if you wanted. Now, did Carla know about the Sneeze Thief? Is that why she was so panicked to get the sneezing under control? Also, sneezing seven times and dying, I would have definitely would have died from sneezing by now.


; Carla’s began to hyperventilate.

No need for the 's with Carla.

Characters in Your Story
The main character is our Carla. We also have the Sneeze Thief who is obviously the most devilish little antagonist. I liked Carla from the beginning and I was rooting for her to find those allergy meds.

Plot / Setting / Concept

Plot: Carla must find the allergy medicine before the Sneeze Thief finds her and takes her life. We have the beginning, conflict, and resolution of a story with this.

Setting: We're inside of Carla's apartment it seems like for this story.

Concept: I love this concept, and I gotta say I'm partial also because I inspired it. This is actually such a great idea for what I suffer from all the time when I eat and sneeze. I never thought of this, which is why I love where you took it!

Things Which I Enjoyed
I really enjoyed the imagination behind this story and how you expanded on a small concept into a neat little flash fiction. You could also expand on this if you wanted to to make this into a bigger story, but of course, keep in mind I'm partial because I inspired it. But you did a great job with the originality and delivering a lot within just a few words.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is a fun little piece I'm glad you shared and that you were inspired to write. I had a lot of fun with it and just have a few suggestion points for you to use if you want. I love that it was just her boyfriend in the end and it has a great sense of humor to it. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .