Hello Noodlelegs !
This is your local and frolic like Sb here, I'm reviewing on behalf of the Angel Army. I stumbled across your port, cruised around it, and found this piece of yours. Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- The beginning of this story definitely drew me in immediately. It's such an interesting and fascinating concept. How many times have we wanted to tell ourselves that we love ourselves? And then what happens after we say that? In this case, it causes a reaction which is super fascinating.

My figure was wasn’t too thick nor thin, curvy in all the right places [.] I was someone everyone secretly envied, whether they would admit it or not.

I would break this up into two separate sentences as a suggestion.

Oh dear, why is that, ...

I believe the above sentence might be a run-on and you could break it up into several sentences. Just to break up the thoughts and just a suggestion.

This has to be a nightmare [.] When will I wake up?

A suggestion for the above part, since it's two different parts adding a period then starting a new sentence.

Characters in Your Story
The main character we have is your main character within this story. We don't have a name for them so as a suggestion I would maybe add a name so we can connect with them even more within the story. I felt for your character and their want/need to see themselves as perfect. Then, that perfection dissolving right in front of them.

Plot / Setting / Concept

Plot: Very unique, saying that you love yourself and how each time you say it it provides a crack until the whole mirror falls.

Setting: Inside of the bathroom, I'm guessing, is the setting.

Concept: I really like the concept. How many times have we looked at ourselves and tried to say we love ourselves? Or tried to strive for perfection?

Things Which I Enjoyed
I really liked your descriptions that you provided us within the story. And, how in the end that we are just empty when we keep repeating that love for ourselves. That it melts away to ash and then we're left without that perfection that the mirror had been showing us.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is a great concept but I would say it could be played with some. You do have a unique concept and you do a great job of conveying it. I really like the talking to yourself, and each time you say you love yourself it causes a crack deepening each time until the mirror is lost and broken. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .