Hello Skittles9802 !

This is your local and frolic like Sb here. I came across your item randomly and I'm reviewing for The Angel Army. Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- This is such a lovely little romantic poem you have here. It's one of those that if you wrote this for someone I'm sure they would be swooning to read it! You drew me right in with this storm and love being entwined with this storm.

Okay, second stanza, second line, it reads a little longer. I know you're trying to replicate the 'could' from the first line but including it makes it sound longer than the quickness of the previous lines.

This line here: a giver of palpitations.-

Just the wording of the length of 'palpitations' kind of threw off this line for me. I would maybe suggest something like 'tender touches, sly glances, etc' just some different word play options for you.

I would say that this item is not an E rating, but rather a higher one. Just a heads up, though I am quite happy with higher rated items.

Rhyming/Rhythm
This is a free-style poem so it doesn't have to follow any set rhyming scheme. You do well to have it flow easily from one to the other except for the certain points that I pointed out. It moves smoothly from one line to the next and your rhythm is generally pretty consistent throughout the length of your poem.

Things Which I Enjoyed
I really enjoyed the imagery, the rain, the sensuality of this poem. It is quite a hot little piece and you do a great job with metaphor and describing things. Your descriptions are quite nice and this is a wonderful romp between two lovers inside of the rain. I like how you have the feel of longing at the end of the poem for them to return to each other, but the rain has seemed to have washed the passion away.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is an exciting, wonderful little romp in the rain type of poem. There are some areas to improve and tighten the rhythm with looking at the wording of the lengthier parts and maybe rewording if you wanted to. I would also say to increase the rating of this item as well, but that's an easy fix to do. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .