Hello hadstersplural!

This is your local and frolic like Sb here. I came across your item randomly and I'm reviewing for The Angel Army. Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- The Martin Luther King Jr. quote that you posted at the beginning of your story piqued my interest. I definitely wanted to keep going and see what that quote meant for our characters and for this story that you wrote.

And don't worry,...

With this sentence above I would either take away the 'really' or 'inhuman' since that saying it and having it in both of the sentences gets repetitive. This is just a suggestion and something for you to play with if you want to.

"Yeah."-

I would say that this isn't needed. Though, I do understand we are inside of the characters though process right now so when you're thinking there are some ticks and things that we do that no one knows we do. So, this could be a part of his thought process to add this, but I feel like the discovery of the youngest person being ninety years old is shock enough. Whoa!

confidently. We-

Space between the period and We. Just a small mistake correction.

Concept/ Characters
With your story I do notice that there is a lot of telling vs. showing at the beginning of it. I know that you're trying to set up this world for us so some details are quite helpful. But, with the best friend I would say maybe showing the qualities you speak of through interactions or flashbacks between them. Though, the part about being good at money had me smiling at that and telling us that wasn't why you chose to be friends with her.

Things Which I Enjoyed
Loved this little line but also memory, deserved to be preserved. You probably didn't mean to but there's rhyming with that sentence and it really reads so nicely. Also, how you want to perserve it with Georgia on the mind. I did enjoy the concept of this story too, that these residents have lived for so long and that must make some crazy stories with all those years lived. I also loved the ease of the conversation when the parents and the kid started talking to each other, it was very believable.

Overall Comments
Overall, I think that you have a good start to this story and I'm wondering how their long life's spans will play within this. There's a few points to edit, play with the showing more with your story, if you want to as well. This was a fun little read to come across. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .