Hello Luckie 🍀 !

This is your local and frolic like Sb here. I'm reviewing on behalf of the Angel Army. Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- Well, I really am quite glad I came across you because I'm enjoying reading your writing! You do a great job with it, and we are inside of this scene where the character is writing furiously. I like how within the first paragraph that you have the humor with the people scoffing obviously being the users who weren't taking this test seriously.

There is a bit of telling vs. showing which, honestly, I do myself too. I like to tell my readers things instead of my characters showing them. An example is that we are told that they are writing furiously. For showing us you could have something like 'the room filled up with the sound of furious typing, they pecked on the keyboard in tandem, etc' to show us this vantage. But, I really enjoy that you have the humor and tongue in cheek going from the start.

Characters in Your Story
You have our main character, the teacher, the students, and Eddie. Eddie is the troublemaker and antagonist to our main character. Also, I was thinking while I was reading it what is her name? Or his name? We can have it given to us by Eddie responding to her/him to give the reader what our main character's name is. I do like our main character, and then Eddie is just a sad case.

Plot / Setting / Concept

Plot: We have the kids finishing a test on why not to do drugs/drinking. And, Eddie is a perfect example of why by the end of this story.

Setting: Classroom with teachers and students all around.

Concept: A humorous piece on why not to drink and that is shown to us by the end. But, I like the sense of humor in this and I was smiling by the end of your story.

Things Which I Enjoyed
I really enjoyed the suspense you built when the teacher left the room. You didn't tell us, but rather had us sit with the characters of what might happen next. Also, you did this all within less than 500 words. To have the writing be as effective as it is and getting so much done is a lot to enjoy about this. I like the banter back and forth between them and Eddie. And, the little zinger at the end of what happens to Eddie.

Overall Comments
Overall, this is a fun little story I enjoyed reading of yours. There are a few little things to edit and play with if you wanted. I enjoyed how you have a sense of humor attached and tied into this piece of flash fiction and how you did a lot with less words. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .