Hello Beautiful sparkle !

I'm here with "The WDC Angel Army"  for this review. Let's get rolling!

Corrections/Suggestions

First impressions- The Dialogue only way this story is presented makes me think you made this for the Dialogue 500 contest. So, with that in mind did you make two distinct voices in this piece? Can I imagine them both without the dialogue tags to show who is talking? This is a tricky exercise but it is a good one to make two distinct voices that are separate from each other without tags.

You did a good job having two distinct voices. But, I would reccomend going back over with your dialogue. There's punctuation errors, missing periods, etc to tidy up in this.

I would recommend using exclamation points sparingly. If they are used too much they lose their strength and then you end up with it feeling a little too much.

Things Which I Enjoyed
I like the humor in this piece. How they went back just for a writing contest and they came from the future. I also enjoyed that your two voices were very distinct and it was easy to see and feel who was talking. So, you got the hardest parts taken care of with this. I think that the ending you did a good job making it clear that the story was wrapped up and she was getting pulled back to the future.

Overall Comments
Overall, you just need to go over this piece and fix the punctuation and typo errors within it. There's a lot of sentences without ending punctuation and certain things just to clean up inside of this. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .