Hi jolanh , I found your writing at your request. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits.


On Title/Subject
Can you think of another title or byline? Is it the first chapter of a longer story? MWA is of course covering its content but it's not an appealing title. You probably can come up with something better.

General impressions
Very good story. This is a great start to a fantasy of dwarfs, elves, and orcs. It's not childish but has a good vibe to it. You manage to put down great characters by wonderful names and put them in interesting situations. I love your writing style here. There is a combination of short and longer sentences but what's more important it flows in the right direction. No chunky style this time, it's smooth and descriptive. Your dialogs are very real, not more difficult than need be. I loved it.

Favorite Parts
The discussion between Drake and Rip. I saw the two creatures sitting in that parlor drinking ale. Very descriptive and good atmosphere.

Suggestions
Apart from looking again at your title, I feel the end of this chapter is missing. It ends too abruptly for me. Perhaps if you could come up with a line or two to finish this chapter? I am looking forward to reading the sequels. Are you planning on a longer story? I hope so.

Final thoughts
Great story. I loved the introductions of the different characters. It's obviously part of a sequel. Good writing style.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .