Hi ribrookens1,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully, this review will find you in good spirits.


On Title/Subject
Nice title and since I am from the Netherlands myself, it caught my eye and I wanted to read further. You probably meant "find herself" in the byline?

General impressions
I like the story. Plot and character are well defined. But your writing style is somewhat chunky. It doesn't flow because of the structure of the sentences. Maybe you can have another look at that? I looked up that EmmaLane and it is 4 kilometers from the Anne Frank House, not three blocks. Perhaps you can change that?

Favorite Parts
I'm star(r)ing up at the ceiling trying to breathe. I actually took that plane. I actually used the passport that I have had locked in a safe for five years waiting to be used, whispering of the desire (to) travel but challenging the fear of traveling by myself.

Suggestions
Your sentences are somewhat difficult to read. It's the structure of the sentences that makes it flawed now and again. Perhaps if you look at the story again you can perhaps make shorter sentences with a better flow to the story? But hey, it's your first piece so there are lots of opportunities to adjust your writing.

Final thoughts
The content of the story is very admirable, but the way you structured your sentences can flourish with a closer look. Welcome to Writing.com, I hope you will enjoy everything on this site.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .